The theme party is a time-honored art, which can be used to delve into the creative potential of any one group of people, yet divine inspiration is now a dwindling resource. I’ve donned sheets, “wigged” out, or pimped and whored it with the best of them, but I wanted to embark on unexploited and untapped territory. I wanted to be more than the girl who is a sexy cat for Halloween. I dislike that girl. That girl draws on whiskers with eyeliner, gets scantily clad and tosses on some fuzzy ears. Don’t get me started on that girl.
The idea for the “Douche Bag” party came to me when a friend of mine was discussing a theme party at which we were both supposed to make an appearance, the theme being glitter and sparkle or slutty and special or Cliché McBoring. After listing all my ideas for what I wanted to wear, she turns to inform me that we are not, in fact, attending a douche bag party. To which I responded, “fair enough, but we totally should.” So after Bedazzling (yes, I used the actual trademarked tool) D-Bag to a t-shirt for the glitter and sparkle gathering, I started planning my own brand of the theme party.
There are many different kinds of douche—for example, there’s the college frat guy douche with multiple layered pink popped-collared Polo shirts. He most likely accessorizes with a visor at night tilted to the side — complete with gelled, frosted tipped and spiked hair through the top– bronzer, newly purchased torn jeans, several phony LiveStrong bracelets and will smell heavily of Abercrombie cologne. He’ll be the guy that refers to himself with both thumbs as “that guy.” Don’t worry sir; the odds are in favor of everyone else referring to you as “that guy” as well, but most likely for differing sets of reasons.
Though it is harder to define the female douche (which is ironic given the word’s origin) as it’s short skip into slutty, however depictions can be made. For instance, there’s the bitter bridesmaid douche. Donned in head to toe penis paraphernalia, armed with a to do list and scavenger hunt, a bitterness towards her younger and thinner sister that’s getting married, and probably some sort of regurgitated sex on the beach on her cock straw. Yes, tiaras a go-go, veils adorned with varying condoms, and the amount of inhibitions required to squire a lucky stranger back the limo for a hummer.
These examples, of course, are just to name a few and give one possible inspiration to help celebrate douchbagery. A themed event that calls a spade a spade, or a d-bag a d-bag, which practices as little tongue-in-cheek as possible, though I mean that in the most ironic sense.